By Bard Daily staff writer Amira Jones

To read “African American Stigmas in Mental Health”, click here.

Many children of color are told that explaining themselves during an argument is talking back, so they have a hard time expressing themselves during one. This causes the child to come off as nonchalant or cold. It’s not their fault that they lack the ability to express any emotion through an argument when they were just taught to “listen”. These children are brought up to learn to not defend themselves, for it will only make things worse. Any tone of voice can be considered attitude or disrespect. When the adult is yelling, their best choice is to stare at something else and zone out, because having a straight face can look like a stank face, which would most likely result in the child getting hit. 

Another thing adults tend to do is compare their child to one another and think that they’re proving a point. In reality, they’re creating an image in the child’s head that they’re not good enough and need to be more like the person that they’re being compared to. The adult may say, “[Your name], you should do the dishes this way. [Somebody] does it this way and it’s better, you should learn from them.” Many parents compare their children to other kids with the intention of motivating them to excel, but comparing a child to other kids can have the opposite effect. The child who is being compared may feel low because it can hurt their self-esteem.

But then you have the parents who will throw everything they ever did for you in your face whenever something doesn’t go their way. They’ll say, “I treat you better than anyone else ever has, so I don’t see why you feel this way.” This is a form of narcissism. These types of people usually lack empathy but they have a sense of superiority while playing the victim. They can also be manipulators and they won’t see a problem with any of their actions. The child could do one thing wrong, and the parent would become extremely defensive and blame them or people around them. But the big kicker is when a narcissist will say, “I didn’t say that,” and deny any allegations made towards them without thinking whether or not they actually said it.

But telling your parents that they’re a narcissist would be like applying for Yale: it’s easy to consider, but hard for it to be accepted.

All of these actions can build up stress in a young person which will most likely lead to depression, anxiety, or any other mental illness. I genuinely feel that if you don’t know how to properly raise a child, you shouldn’t have one, simple. The only positive thing that can come from these actions is the child having their own child and treating them with the love and support that they never received. There are many ways a parent can communicate with their child without making them feel less of themselves. For starters, talk to them the way you would want them to talk to you. Respect goes both ways, no matter the age.

Reasons like this are why I’m studying to be a child/youth therapist. I plan on changing the world, one human interaction at a time.

Feel welcome to share your thoughts and questions below!

Photograph by Carrie Mae Weems.